Thursday, August 10, 2006

Eikon come home tomorrow!

I was excited that Eikon was supposed to come home tonight, and quite sad when I found out that his ride wanted to stay another night. It's interesting, for me to see what life would have been like, had he not decided to come to Minnesota with me. I have developed a routine in these few days, that includes abou 5 miles of walking a day, work at church, and 30-60 minutes at the dog park.

I can't say that I hate the alone time, but there comes a point, when living in solitude, that I crave communication. I go to church (work) and spend half of my time talking to the faith formation director, who's crazier and more liberal than I am. I spend more time at the dog park so I can chit-chat with people.

I guess, overall, I've had time to think - to contemplate. Of course, I haven't come to any conclusions, I find more comfort in uncertainty and ambiguity. That's why I can't handle the fire and brimstone conservatives, and even the people to the oposite extreme, with whom I identify more.

I'm discovering more about myself in my new job as the music director a suburban parish, here in St. Cloud. I'm finding out how much I thrive on control. I'm finding out how far I have to go in my musical studies. I'm finding out how much I like to create, brainstorm, and discover. In every other possition I had, there was so much red-tape that I couldn't achieve anything. Here, I can go to my pastor and say, "lets try this" and a heft percentage of the time, he says "yes."

A greater being has blessed me. He put me in the right place at the right time. I don't think I can even apreciate it fully now that I'm in the middle of it. Living cheaply, reading ,studying. I think when I'm 40, I'll look back and say "wow I really pulled that off."

I never got good grades in high school - i was uninterested or untaught. I needed to be nurtured, and I don't think that I was. In college, all that sudden I was learning, and it mattered what I thought about what I was learning. Four quick years later, I graduated Magna Cum Laude. I'm still not sure how that happened. I wish that I had gone to college about two years earlier. . .

I listened to a majority of Albert Herring by Benjamin Britten tonight while I was on my walk. I love it - it's so hectic. Listen to it if you ever get a chance. It is about prudish Brits who think they've got virtue down to an art. It turns out they're all jerks, and the kid they chose to be "may king" is really just a confused boy. Great music. I'm in love with 20th Century Opera. I wish I could hear more of it.

unedited, unspell checked, raw-hardcore blogging.